fluctuationfeels | [Open for business

They had their own spot. It changed up every so often, depending on how many cops were around or how many street walkers there were on any given night.

Leo and Aydin were there most every night. They had to be there. If they weren't they might miss out on the one in ten men who actually threw down some cash for their time.

Leo leaned against a wall that he favoured every Friday night. There were a couple of other white twinks there too, sticking their asses out and puckering their lips trying to score attention. What drew people to Leo was usually the fact that he didn’t want that attention half as much as the others. He needed it, because he needed the money to pay his rent, bills and feed his smoking habit. But want it? No. He would never want it, despite what he told his customers.

He light up another cigarette and sighed out a slow stream of smoke into the night air. At least it was a warm one. He wasn’t out on his ass in the cold like some down and out loser. Not yet anyway.

“S’real slow tonight.” He commented, offering Aydin a cigarette.

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[Brent didn't take a tissue, but he did after a moment remove his face from his hands. He took a slow breath, but there wasn't any air in the room cool enough for him.]

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I saw you and. God. God you look just like my little boy looked. He was just like you. Just about your age...

[His voice choked on every other word and Brent shook his head. Upset that this much emotion was still there, after all these years.] God... Its like he's back from the grave and I just. I don't know. I don't know what I'm doing. I'm sorry.

You can keep the money. I'm sorry.

[Jesus Christ.

Leo had to take a tissue for himself in case the cascade of upset that just washed over him managed to reach his eyes.
This poor bastard just wanted to be with his son. What a Hollywood concept. He'd never known a single father who cared that much about their kid. It was damn right beautiful and incredibly devastating.]

Hey... Look, don't worry about it. [He gave the mans bare shoulder a gently pat.] You just sit here and feel better, okay? You got a whole hour to pull it together.

Thanks. [Brent's voice was as weak as he felt. Weak as it was, words kept coming. He couldn't stop them.]

He was shot. Drive by. He had a lot of black friends, but they were good kids, you know? I didn't think they were in those kinds of gangs. [Brent shook his head.] Two bullets in the head... It wasn't an open casket.

[Leo felt his expression soften as his chest swelled with the familiar ache of pity. It was the same kind of feeling he got when he saw an injured bird or hurt dog. He tried to imagine who he'd feel if he was in this man's position, but the entire concept terrified him too much. He didn't want anyone he knew to die.]

I'm sorry, Brent. That's more than rough.

I was on base with the army at the time, I didn't get back until it was practically over. [Brent pushed his hands against his face again, rubbing tiredly and pushing out the world's more weary sigh. So heavy it seemed like without it in him, he would entirely fall apart.]

And I just wanted to see him one last time, and then there you were and you were just like him and... I don't know. I don't know what happened. I just needed to see him one more time. A little longer.

[Brent straightened up.] I took your time kid, so... I'm sorry. You need that fifty more than me so just keep it. Please.

[Leo waited a moment, then gave the man a gentle touch to the arm. It wasn't in any way sexual. He forced himself to smile, maybe the poor bastard would catch it somehow.]

Thank you. You're a good dad.

[He almost wanted to cry again, almost couldn't hold his spine up and collapsed into himself. It had been so long since he'd been called a dad. Been so long since this boy - the boy who looked like this boy - had said that to him. Years. Painful years that were still raw.

[With a stiff lower lip, he nodded to show he had heard, but couldn't quite respond in that moment.]

[Maybe that had been the wrong thing to say. Or maybe this guy really needed a hug now? That was what his instinct told him and he didn't really have much else to go on.

He pulled the guy by his arm, encouraging him to turn so he could hold the guy a while, maybe let him cry it out.]

This isn't your fault.

[He'd been told that time and time again, by therapists, his ex wife, himself. He had known that.

[But now it was like his baby boy was saying it to him and that was definitely a breaker for him.

[He wrapped his arms around the boy and held him tight. It wasn't easy for him to cry, even with all his pain, but water trailed down his cheeks and into the boy's hair as he held him tight.]

Yeah... Yeah I know that. Shouldn't have to bury your child though.

[Leo's heart was utterly in shreds. He held the guy tight in a genuine display of care and comfort the same way he would any one of his friends. He had expected the man to smell bad but there wasn't even any alcohol or anything like that on him. He was stone cold sober and suffering hard anyway.]

Yeah, I know. It sucks. [He squeezed him, trying to hug him as hard as he was sure the mans son would if he was there.]

[Brent clung to him as long as he could, holding his breath without realising until they burnt inside him. Then he slowly took a deep breath and moved his hands to pat the boy on the shoulders. Pulling back.]

Yeah. Yeah it does. Hopefully won't ever happen to you... God. I can barely look at you, sorry kid. [He forced a laugh dragging his palm over his face and wiping away the few tears that had fallen.]

You got a real good face on your shoulders.

[It was nice to hear that. Not because he hadn't heard it before, but because it was coming from such a paternal place. For a moment, he wondered if this was what it felt like to have a father.]

Thank you, Sir. [Leo nodded, trying to be respectful of the mans tears by not pointing them out.] Are you going to be all right?

I'll be fine. Just... one day at a time.

[Brent grabbed his shirt and pulled it over his head taking a breath and then getting his wallet again and removing another twenty, holding it towards the boy.] You be okay, huh? Need some more skin on those bones.

I... [Leo felt a swell of guilt as he reached out and took the twenty. God, he hadn't even done anything for it.] I usually wouldn't. [He justified before shoving it into his side pocket for now.]

Thanks, Brent.

[He felt so bad for him. Every part of him was crying out for help. Leo wondered what Aydin would say to him. What Aydin would do if he was the one in this moment.]

Look, if you ever wanna talk, you know where I hang out. I'm there most every night. All right?

[For a moment Brent wasn't sure how to take the offer, then after a moment he smiled.] Maybe we'll go watch a soccer game, huh? I'd like that.

I think... I think that would be healthy.

[That suggestion took Leo by surprise, but it wasn't unpleasant. He'd never been to a soccer game before.]

Yeah. That'd be great. [He smiled again. He didn't actually think it would happen, but the idea at least seemed to ease the pain from Brent's shoulders and that was good. He as going to have an interesting story to tell Aydin when he came back to work.]

I can give you my number, if you want.

I uh... I wouldn't want to make you too uncomfortable with that. [If this kid had a pimp, Brent was sure random numbers coming up on phones would only cause him trouble.]

Lets say that if I run into you again, its fate for my tortured mind, huh?

Thanks for the talk, kid.

Yeah. Okay, that sounds fair. [Leo nodded. Then for whatever reason, he held out his hand for Brent to shake. It seemed like the thing to do.]

My name's Leo, Brent. You're welcome.

[Open for business | Leo and Aydin]

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